6 months pregnant. Yesterday, I was cool as a cucumber thinking we had all of the time in the world. Today, I got an email. 6 months, it said! Baby girl is over a pound and over a foot long and her lungs are starting to branch out and her fingernails are growing.
Fingernails. Learn to clip tiny baby fingernails. practice on Scott's pinky. Also, buy newborn mittens just in case you are really bad at clipping Scott's pinky.
Mittens. It will be June/July when you come. So, maybe fingerless mittens? But, that kind of negates the purpose? So, maybe keep you in a onesie or take your socks off to keep you cool?
Ok, Socks. Toenails...find out if it is possible to cut yourself with your long toenails. Im pretty sure you will be very bendy. If so, practice clipping tiny toenails. Use Reggie. He is little.
Or would you rather be warm and keep your socks on? Because, if you are like Scott, you would prefer that every outfit were lined in thermal long underwear. But, if you are like me, you would prefer to be naked whenever possible.
Naked. You are NEVER allowed to do that in the presence of a man. Well, we will discuss this when you are 30. maybe. Ok, I kid, but Scott looks really serious when we have talked about that.
Speaking of Scott. He always repeats sentences when he talks about you. Like, "I'm having a girl!!! and then....I'm having a girl..." The second sentence always being the "I am just realizing what I am saying" sentence.
And now, I totally get it.
Baby girl. Maybe we should talk. I mean, this is your first time being a tiny person outside of my womb...and there are some things you arent going to get right away...like going to the bathroom on a toilet. or drinking from a straw. or walking to the store. or carrying your own diaper bag. or understanding the meaning of LOL. I mean, you really have a lot to learn here and I feel like I am going to be very accomodating to you taking your sweet time learning everything. I mean, it is a lot to grasp. And I can understand that.
So, how about we come to an agreement. See, this is my first time being the mommy to a tiny person outside of my womb. and there are some things that I am not going to get right away. Like, which way the diaper goes on you, just in case I buy the kind that doesnt have a little disney character on the front of it (Note: Find out if the characters go on the front). Or putting a onesie on you and somehow getting your arm stuck halfway through. Or trying to burp you for 73 minutes because I am paranoid that you will have a tummy ache. Or trying to brush your gums because I think I see a tooth poking through. There is a tiny chance we may wear matching outfits for a few years. It's small, but I'm not throwing anything out. I have a lot to grasp. I hope you can understand that.
So listen, you poop through your outfit seventeen times a day? I'm cool with that. Wake me up 5 times a night? Go right ahead sweet pea. But, you have to promise to not get super upset when I have no idea what the heck I am doing. Because, holy mother of pearl and granite stone. I have NO idea what I am doing.
But, dont tell your dad. He is kind of counting on me to teach him how to change a diaper.
Diaper...do you put the diaper cream on everytime you change the diaper? Do you cover the entire region where a diaper is? Or just the...you know...specifics?
Oh dear Lord. I have a lot of googling to do.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
17 Things.
1. Why is it that when you have an open wound on your thumb, you seem to ALWAYS hit your hand on something that directly comes in contact with this open wound?
2. This week, I have never had more memories of youth camps growing up. Why you ask? Because I have had too many late nights and early mornings and awful food and am feeling extremely emotional. I swear, if I saw an alter, I would run to it. Just out of habit.
3. Had I been cool enough at any point in my teenage years, I would also find some old Philips Craig and Dean song and start doing human video motions. But alas, always the audience member....never in a black t-shirt and khakis.
4. I havent gone maternity clothes shopping yet and the clothes I have been given dont quite fit yet. All of this equals me in way too tight and unbuttoned dress pants with a belly band that is doing a sub par job.
5. We painted the baby's room a very soft green. And unfortunately, I think about Tinkerbell when I walk into it. I am hoping this feeling changes soon.
6. I have played my Scattered Trees CD on a daily basis at work since I got it months ago. And I didnt know this was possible, but I wore it out and it no longer plays. So sad.
7. This may be my lack of sleep talking, but I have a sudden urge to call Harpo Productions and see if Oprah is free for lunch.
8. There is a lady at my work who walks into my office everyday and takes some candy from my candy dish while telling me she really shouldnt be eating it. THEN. DONT.
9. Side note, it is a really good idea to buy candy that you dont like for your candy dish so you dont get tempted to eat it. My current candy dish collection? Gobstoppers. So not my style.
10. I STILL have not had to cut my toenails ONCE since training for my marathon last summer. I think they have all permanently stopped growing. Gross. And yet, kind of awesome.
11. My baby girl is doing so well and I am kind of in shock about the whole thing. I would like to go back to all of the specialists that I have seen and point to my belly and say "Boo-yah".
12. I honk at EVERY single person who drives on the highway and is looking at their phone. And everytime, I startle the crap out of them. Makes me so mad that people are that stupid.
13. I am currently having a love affair with bagels. Plain bagels. with a little bit of butter. Toasted to perfection with a light brown hue around the edges. I would choose that over oreo cheesecake right now. Now, that's love.
14. Out of the 6 colors we picked out for the house, I am in love with 4. These are really great odds for me considering I painted my old kitchen 4 times in under 4 years.
15. Our carpeting is getting put in today. And I am not picturing myself laying on it enjoying it's softness. I am picturing myself crawling around on it picking up any piece of dirt and fantasizing about taking people's shoes off for them when they walk into the house. Oh, and I haven't decided yet, but should I print out a piece of paper that says "You cannot eat, drink, spit while you talk, sweat or go barefoot on the carpet" or should I just pay someone to put it on canvas and make it my wall art?
16. I always wanted to be Rachel, but I am totally Monica.
17. I thought about calling Oprah. But then I figured she might have a day off. And be with Gayle. And I would think Gayle would be in a yellow velour sweatsuit with white sneakers and Oprah would be in a dark purple velour sweatsuit with her hair in a ponytail and visor on her head...and I just dont really want to be in public with people in velour sweatsuits. So, I decided to wait until tomorrow. When Oprah is more presentable.
2. This week, I have never had more memories of youth camps growing up. Why you ask? Because I have had too many late nights and early mornings and awful food and am feeling extremely emotional. I swear, if I saw an alter, I would run to it. Just out of habit.
3. Had I been cool enough at any point in my teenage years, I would also find some old Philips Craig and Dean song and start doing human video motions. But alas, always the audience member....never in a black t-shirt and khakis.
4. I havent gone maternity clothes shopping yet and the clothes I have been given dont quite fit yet. All of this equals me in way too tight and unbuttoned dress pants with a belly band that is doing a sub par job.
5. We painted the baby's room a very soft green. And unfortunately, I think about Tinkerbell when I walk into it. I am hoping this feeling changes soon.
6. I have played my Scattered Trees CD on a daily basis at work since I got it months ago. And I didnt know this was possible, but I wore it out and it no longer plays. So sad.
7. This may be my lack of sleep talking, but I have a sudden urge to call Harpo Productions and see if Oprah is free for lunch.
8. There is a lady at my work who walks into my office everyday and takes some candy from my candy dish while telling me she really shouldnt be eating it. THEN. DONT.
9. Side note, it is a really good idea to buy candy that you dont like for your candy dish so you dont get tempted to eat it. My current candy dish collection? Gobstoppers. So not my style.
10. I STILL have not had to cut my toenails ONCE since training for my marathon last summer. I think they have all permanently stopped growing. Gross. And yet, kind of awesome.
11. My baby girl is doing so well and I am kind of in shock about the whole thing. I would like to go back to all of the specialists that I have seen and point to my belly and say "Boo-yah".
12. I honk at EVERY single person who drives on the highway and is looking at their phone. And everytime, I startle the crap out of them. Makes me so mad that people are that stupid.
13. I am currently having a love affair with bagels. Plain bagels. with a little bit of butter. Toasted to perfection with a light brown hue around the edges. I would choose that over oreo cheesecake right now. Now, that's love.
14. Out of the 6 colors we picked out for the house, I am in love with 4. These are really great odds for me considering I painted my old kitchen 4 times in under 4 years.
15. Our carpeting is getting put in today. And I am not picturing myself laying on it enjoying it's softness. I am picturing myself crawling around on it picking up any piece of dirt and fantasizing about taking people's shoes off for them when they walk into the house. Oh, and I haven't decided yet, but should I print out a piece of paper that says "You cannot eat, drink, spit while you talk, sweat or go barefoot on the carpet" or should I just pay someone to put it on canvas and make it my wall art?
16. I always wanted to be Rachel, but I am totally Monica.
17. I thought about calling Oprah. But then I figured she might have a day off. And be with Gayle. And I would think Gayle would be in a yellow velour sweatsuit with white sneakers and Oprah would be in a dark purple velour sweatsuit with her hair in a ponytail and visor on her head...and I just dont really want to be in public with people in velour sweatsuits. So, I decided to wait until tomorrow. When Oprah is more presentable.
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