To You.

I think about you everyday.

Don't worry, little one. We have not forgotten about you.

You have a sister who you will just adore. And she will adore you.

You have two dogs who are wagging their tails a little too much and they would love another buddy.

You have a soft bed and a room and everything you could ever need waiting for you.

But, more importantly, you have a mommy and daddy who love you deeply. And who have spent the last 8 months praying for you. We are coming for you, sweet baby. We are coming to Ethiopia someday.

The timing is God's. And as impatient as I can be and as anxious I feel about rushing the process, I know that the story that God is writing for YOUR life is one of beauty and grace and is better than anything I could ever try and write. So, I wait for His chapters to begin.

But, until then, born or unborn, girl or boy....we love you. we can't wait to bring you home.

Where you belong.

On No You Did Not.

I am furious. So furious that I need a second to just let this one out.

I have a child who happens to have a birth mother and birth father who were born and live in Ethiopia. I have not met this child and have no idea if she is a she or he is a he. I have no idea when they get to come home to me and Scott. I have no idea if they will be healthy or sick. Little boned or Big boned. Perfect eyesight or in need of glasses. Tall or Short. Shy or Feisty.

I know just ONE THING. This is my child. And I am their mother.

So do not for one second think that Scott and I are adopting internationally because it sounds glamorous. Because we want to emulate a celebrity. Because we haven't carefully and for a LONG time prayed about and thought about all of the other adoption options out there. Bottom line is, we both know beyond a shadow of a doubt that baby Jane has a sibling in Ethiopia and it is our responsibility to bring them home.

A child is a child is a child is a child. A human life in another country is JUST AS PRECIOUS as a human life in my own country.

I just spent the last 15 minutes on the phone with what I thought was a Home Study agency in Illinois listening to a man tell me that I am neglecting my own backyard and "as much as everyone loves Angelina Jolie..it is the people who adopt from their own country who are the unsung heroes'.

Cue hair on the back of neck standing on end.

To which I replied, "Have you ever adopted?" To which he replied, "No, but I work for an agency". To which I replied..."That's nice. But if you have the guts to tell me that my child isn't as important as anyone else's because of their geographic location? Then I really hope you also have had the guts to follow through with your own strong convictions and do something yourself. Now, please forward me to your manager."

Listen. Tell me we are idiots for spending a whole lot of money to bring our child home. Tell me we are foolish for choosing to wait possibly years to meet our child.

But, do not for one second tell me that my baby does not also deserve love and a home and a family JUST because they were born far far away from here.

Like I said, I know ONE THING. Well, now I know two things. 1) I have a son or daughter who will be born in Ethiopia and who Scott and I will work and wait for as long as needed until we bring them home to us. And 2) I have discovered what it takes to make my blood officially boil.

I'm Freaking Out.

1) We have decided for sure for sure for sure that we are adopting from Ethiopia!!!!!!!

2) We have been freaking about the cost of it (approx. $30,000 total) but not freaking out too bad because we knew that if God put the desire to adopt in our hearts, He would provide a way.

3) Random and amazing friend came to us a month ago and said the following (warning: you might pee your pants)
"I want to help raise the money for your adoption"

4) GOD IS FAITHFUL

5) This random and amazing friend, Chris, is doing just that....and it is incredible to see God beginning to provide a way to bring our little one home to us.

6) Why am I posting? Because it is ALL that I can think about.. all day.. and night.. well, actually that is a lie, because at night I am either sleeping or trying really hard to remember the ridiculous thing that Scott said or did in his sleep (yes, he is one of those...and it is hilarious)

That is all. If you want to be a part of bringing the first baby Zibell home, just message me your email or comment it on here and I can send you what Chris sent out.

We are getting so close to this thing actually happening, I can almost feel it!

The Other You.

We are going to have a child soon. A beautiful little boy or maybe girl from a country far away. Ethiopia to be exact.

We are just starting the process...raising money...filling out applications...researching and more researching....reading books....

And my mind is constantly filled with thoughts about our child. What will he/she look like? Boy? Girl? Newborn? 1 year old?

And as much as I am picturing taking this little child for walks...watching them grow up... playing and dancing in the living room to cartoons...snuggling during the winter months and running through hoses in the summer...hearing the soft breathing of a napping infant.... I have become even more overwhelmed with this:

This baby will come into the world grieving. Losing the one thing it has been so intimately connected with for its entire existence. It's mother.

I know that at some point, Scott and I will be the only scent that this child knows. the only voices that bring security. the only heartbeats they will hear. But when our little first one comes into the world, it will only have had one heartbeat...one voice...one scent... and it wont be ours. and it will be gone.

There is something so beautiful about adoption. but there is something so tragic.

We are adopting not to fill our need to be parents. We are adopting not to complete the family circle that we long for. No. I am realizing that more and more how incredibly selfish that is.

There is a child who has a mother that does not want them. There is a child who has lost both parents to death, disease or poverty. A child who has cousins running around somewhere in the world and aunt's and uncle's and grandma's and grandpa's who share their smile, their laugh, their quirks, their bloodline. Who they will never meet.

I understand grief. I do not understand rejection. I do not understand loneliness.

So, as the reality of adoption is setting in, I am completely sobered. The feeling of responsibility is heavy on my heart. This child needs love and we will give that unconditionally. This child needs security and we will provide that. But, this child will need to heal. And this is the part that I am praying the Lord shows us how to handle.