To You.

I think about you everyday.

Don't worry, little one. We have not forgotten about you.

You have a sister who you will just adore. And she will adore you.

You have two dogs who are wagging their tails a little too much and they would love another buddy.

You have a soft bed and a room and everything you could ever need waiting for you.

But, more importantly, you have a mommy and daddy who love you deeply. And who have spent the last 8 months praying for you. We are coming for you, sweet baby. We are coming to Ethiopia someday.

The timing is God's. And as impatient as I can be and as anxious I feel about rushing the process, I know that the story that God is writing for YOUR life is one of beauty and grace and is better than anything I could ever try and write. So, I wait for His chapters to begin.

But, until then, born or unborn, girl or boy....we love you. we can't wait to bring you home.

Where you belong.

Spitting Up Through Your Nose and Pooping Up Your Back.

I have a daughter.

Let's just start right there. I am constantly in a state of thankfulness for her. Scott and I have waited. And prayed. And cried. And pleaded.

And here she is.

She is a gift. Truly a gift straight from God. She is my constant reminder that He loves. and that He cares. That He embodies grace. That He carries hope. That He doesn't forget.

She is beautiful. And so sweet. Her demeanor is so calm and so pleasant. She hums a sweet melody when she starts to fall asleep and has an amazing growl when she is getting comfortable. Sings and Growls already. She is like my very own tiny Adele.

So far, we have gone through more diapers and wipes than I thought humanly possible. She has pooped through outfits and onto towels and in the bathtub and all over my hand. She has peed through outfits right onto our 2 day old new bedding and on our couch. She has spit up and bypassed the burp rag right onto our carpeting and couch again. She wakes me up a few times every night because she is hungry, putting me into a new state of exhaustion. Exhaustion where I have unintentionally done the following:

*Tried plugging my phone charger into her arm.
*Ripped apart my pillowcase thinking that I had accidently swaddled her inside of it and was smothering her. (thus the new bedding...because, I literally ripped apart my pillowcase)
*Attempted burping her backwards...patting her tummy instead of her back.
*Used my hand to wipe her thinking that I, for some reason, had a glove on. And when I realized that there was no glove, turned the light on (with my poopy hand) to realize there was poop on both my hand and the lightswitch.

And, I have LOVED. EVERY. SECOND.

I LOVE a couch filled with stains. Ripped Bedding. Complete Exhaustion. Loads of Laundry. Abandoned housekeeping attempts. Dirty floors. Poop and Pee and Spit Up everywhere.

I LOVE IT. We LOVE it. We have waited so impatiently for this season in our lives to begin. And now that it is here, I am not only thankful for her tiny fingers and tiny toes but I am thankful for every late night feeding and for every sleepless night. Thankful for days that go by where nothing gets done in the house or outside of it. Thankful for crusty goo on many surfaces. Thankful for her cry. Thankful for my newfound ability to be late to everything I commit to. Thankful for a very smelly garage thanks to old hot diapers.

Emara Jane Zibell has changed my life. Going through what we went through had already put a huge conviction in my heart to not complain about the typical complaints that can come our way with the new venture of children. But, I have yet to have to force myself to hold onto that perspective. I am well aware that future parents are going to bed aching for what I get to experience. And, that alone, keeps my mouth shut and my heart content.

So, back to blogging I go. This time, with a tiny tot sleeping on my chest while I type one handed. But, don't worry, it won't be all sap and cheese. I do have a few bones to pick with moms everywhere. There are some very SIGNIFICANT things that occur during and after childbirth that nobody told me about. And, well, a little heads up would have helped ladies. At least it would have softened the blows of "WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!?" and "WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING TO MY BODY?!?" and "WHY DIDN'T ANYBODY TELL ME THAT I WOULD HAVE TO WRITE AN APOLOGY TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM FOR FLOODING THEIR ROOM WITH MY AMNIOTIC FLUID".

Oh yes. I will go there. Boys, you might want to stop reading for a bit. It could get a little graphic. I may use the word "leaking" a lot.

Ok, she is grunting now. And it's way too cute to do anything else now but stare at her. Dinner? I am working on hiring a few elves from Santa to take care of that tiny detail.

Peace out friends.

Ripples.

I will post about our labor and delivery experience soon..but, I HAD to write this story down before the details got foggy on me.

This morning, a lady walked into our room (Scott was picking up our pooches, so wasn't around) and introduced herself. She is the nurse supervisor at Swedes...I thought she was just going to ask about my experience, so I waited for her to start.

"This is going to sound really strange..."

ok, good opener Ms. Supervisor...Could have been a little stronger, but hey....Im not the boss.

But, it got better, and less weird pretty quickly.

She asked if I sang at Heartland...she just wanted to be sure before she kept talking to me... I confirmed and this is what she told me (I am obviously paraphrasing because, well, I didn't have time to find a recording device of some sort, although now I am considering keeping one in my purse):

She said that four years ago, she started going to Heartland but before then, she grew up Jewish..so she was new to Christianity...something that she didn't really understand was hearing God's voice..and it was something that she never experienced.

Then, two years ago, she saw a video that I did at Heartland sharing our story...and this is what God clearly told her while she watched the video:

That girl will have a baby and she will deliver at your hospital and you will be working that day to tell her this when she has her baby.

She didn't know my name...my last name...if I would even go to Swedes or when the heck we would or if we would even try for another baby. But, she said that she found out my first name and for the last two years, whenever a Stephanie has come in and delivered, she would check to see if it was me.

Finally, three weeks ago, when I stayed overnight, she saw my name...and saw me...found out what my last name was and knew that this little whisper that God gave her two years ago was about to happen...

So, yesterday. Two years after hearing God's voice and wondering if what she heard was really Him....He confirmed to HER that He does speak directly to us. A 2 year faith journey where he used our story but didn't even involve us in the details because this part of our story was not for us, but for HER. Think about that for a second. It. Is. So. Incredible.

We both cried. I jokingly asked her why the heck she waited to tell me this information. But, I get it. God used little Emara in a way that is so indirect to build someone's faith in Him and bring glory to Him.

The more I think about what happened in that conversation, the more filled with gratitude I am and the more amazed I am at the complexity of our stories intertwined and the simplicity of God's goodness.

More to come later...like I said, I just HAD to write that down.

Updates and More Updates...

Well dear friends and family...it seems that this little girl is a lot like her daddy. And by daddy, I mean her mommy.

At 33 weeks, I went into what is called Pre-Term Labor...basically, I went into labor too early. So, after an overnight at the hospital, some medication and a strict order to bedrest...the labor was slowed down significantly, which was the goal.

Last Thursday, at 36 weeks, went in for my normal bi-weekly appt and my Dr. announced that things were moving along and this baby was on her way! So, he told me to go home and get my stuff together and meet him at the hospital at 5pm! Scott immediately went into crazy jittery mode and just started walking quickly around the house with no direction. It was really adorable actually. And at 4:30pm. Off we went!

Long story short.. Once we got to the hospital, things weren't moving very fast...which for any other pregnancy, the doctor would just induce or break my water or do anything else that would push along the labor...but, I'm only 36 weeks. And the risks outweigh the benefit of having a 36 weeks old baby, so my doctor will not do anything to help me progress in labor.

(SIDE NOTE: THIS is the MIRACLE of my strong baby Jane. Factor V babies are known to be safer outside of the womb than inside...my entire pregnancy, I have been told that I will have this baby very early...because of blood clots, etc...basically, she would need to come out because my body probably wouldn't be doing its job...but, this has not been the case...so, what an amazing and strange change of mind that they now want to keep her in because she and I are doing so well!)

Friday morning...went back in. Still progressing...but too slow to go back to the hospital for now. So, off to home I go to keep laboring. Go back Monday morning. And if things are moving along...back to the hospital! If things are slow, then back home I go. It's all day to day. My contractions havent slowed down...but, because I am not full-term, my Dr is having me stay on the natural path, which I am actually really happy about.

So, sweet baby Jane. 18 Days of contractions. And you are worth EVERY SINGLE ONE. And your mommy and daddy are so excited to meet you, but when you are at your healthiest. So, if that is tomorrow, wonderful. If it is two weeks from now, wonderful.

And that is that folks. I think she heard us talking about her entrance into the world and she said, "I do not follow your rules, people." Like I said, just like her daddy...and by daddy...well, you know who we are talking about :)

And, Here We Go. Zibell Family Update

Called our doctor yesterday because I was not feeling the baby move as much. I diligently do my daily kick counts so she wasn't about to get anything past me! Because I was in Schuamburg at work, he sent me to Labor/Delivery at Swedes since his office would be closed by the time I got back.

Got to the hospital thinking that they would monitor the baby for a bit and then send us home. I had my normal Thursd morning appt with him anyways the next day..but I wanted peace of mind and had an intuition that something was off. So glad I listened to my body and we went to Swedes!

Because....I was having labor contractions 2-4 minutes apart! YIKES. 33 weeks and contracting? Having never had late term contractions, I just assumed because I was so early, that I was just having lots of Braxton Hicks for the last few days. I hardly mentioned it when they asked me why I came in...had NO CLUE. So, they hooked me up to an IV, checked my cervix (which is already thinned and further than what a 33 week cervix should look like...he felt her head!!! She has already dropped!), gave me a steroid shot for the baby and kept me overnight.

They did send me home today...my contractions are about 6 minutes apart now...but my cervix only changed minimally overnight so he didn't think that I needed to stay.

I am now officially on strict bedrest! No dishes, laundry, cleaning, stairs or cooking for me! Any other time I would be ecstatic...but I am NESTING! And all I want to do is clean my house. So, if you like to vaccuum...maybe you should call me? :)

I'm sure you know this, but contractions don't just stop without medication or help..and it really just holds them off for a bit....because baby girl is still doing so well and so far, no blood clots...they do not want her out this early. They were only going to take her soon if my womb was starting to go 'kapoot' on her. And its not...so, they will do whatever they can to keep me from having her.

That being said... we will definitely have an early bird because these contractions and my lady parts are def trying to get her outta here. I get checked again on Monday with my Maternal Fetal Medicine Doctor and we will see where we are there!

Scott and I are so thankful that she is healthy. We never even thought for a second that with all of the risks of my pregnancy, that I would go into pre-term labor?!?! We expected either they take her via emergency c-section early because she was in stress or they would induce me prior to my due date so I could try and have her naturally without posing a danger to her staying in for so long.

Crazy. But, like I said. We are so thankful for her, our gift. And whatever route is the safest for her, we will take.

If you pray, please pray for her sustained health. God knew this before anyone else and I believe that He really has put her on the growth fast track...she is so big already! But, with any preemie, there can be complications, so we are trusting and praying for a healthy baby from beginning to end! And pray for my body....no blood clots after her birth(which is my point of highest risk) and sustained health for my champ of a kidney!

Ok, this went WAY longer than I thought. I'm going back to bed :) Sleeping on a 3 tier labor and delivery bed with cords attached all over your body does not provide an environment for a good night sleep! Thank you all for your support, love and prayers....I can't wait for you all to meet our miracle!!!

Today is Tuesday, I promise.

CONFESSION TIME!

So, my brain has been working away trying to come up with a good confession. And here is the tough part. I love to embarrass myself. Well, I just love it all the way around when people get embarrassed. So, normally, if I have a confession that I think will make people laugh, I tell it immediately.

So, I have to really dig here to think of things that I have not already exposed about myself.

And once I started digging, the things that I haven't exposed are the things that I don't want to expose. Like, how much I currently weigh. Or the number of times I have to take a picture of myself before one actually turns out normal. These are things that I am purposefully keeping between me and me.

But, I figure if I keep typing mindlessly and as fast as I can, something will just come out. Ok, got it.

Sometimes, I pretend to be deaf in order to avoid talking to people. Mainly, this happens when I get hit on while pumping gas at the gas station. I mean, who wants to answer the following question, "Hey! Does your baby have a daddy?" (YES, I was asked this question outside of my dr office a few weeks ago). So, instead of giving them a smart remark or glaring at them...I look in their direction...and do some sort of hand signal that I don't even understand but am pretty sure that they won't either.

Then, if it is the summer, I get into my car and quickly turn off the radio...because, well, that wouldn't make much sense.

Tuesday's Confessional.

19 Drafts.

I write on here a whole heck of a lot more than what it may seem to you. I just get bored mid-writing and decide to go back to whatever I was doing before...you know, something more important like taking my socks off. or attempting to cross my legs without losing my balance. yes. I am a worldchanger.

I have always toyed with the idea of creating a secret blog. One that is only for women. Where we can talk about all things ladylike without the boys in our lives finding out the real truth about us. And it would be password protected. And it would be awesome. For instance, I have questions. And you woman have some answers. And I may just never hear them because I can't ask how you all handle a booby itch in public on this post. And, well, now that I am pregnant...there are certain things that I can no longer take part in...or even see for that matter... and I just want to KNOW.

But, public post. No password protection.

So, I will stick to gender neutral topics. Like recipes and crafts and love. You know, the usual.

I have decided to start a Tuesday's Confessional. I am going to start telling you all (and by you, I mean my 8 trusty followers...thank you momS, Calley, Hannah, Elissa, Becca, Leah and Scott) my secrets and...well, confessions.

Confession #1 - I am incredibly embarrassed and aware of the fact that I breathe VERY loudly when I sleep. I swear on my mother's bean burritos that I have a deviated septum. I can't get a full breath in EVER through my nose...forcing me to have to breathe very intently in order to sleep at night and not wake up with a sore throat from breathing through my mouth.

But, here is my confession. Sometimes, when I know that Scott is still awake in bed...I roll away from him and take my fingers and hold open my nostrils so I can actually breathe without sounding like a rushing wave is coursing through my nose. And I do this until I think he is asleep...

Or at least until he stops asking me if I still have any breathe right strips left...